The List and Flag Day

“It never gets this cold here,” they keep saying.  “This cold is very unusual for DC.”  With the temperatures never above 300, and the humidity at 50%, the cold cut through us like sharpened icicles.  We arrived in DC on a Saturday evening and there was a cocktail party planned on Sunday for Bob’s class as an orientation and introduction to some of the FSO’s (Foreign Service Officers).  From our apartment building we can go into an underground system of passages to the hotel next door, under the freeway, into the Crystal City underground mall and to the metro without ever going outside.  Once we got to the Roslyn metro stop, however, we had to go outside and walk for a couple of blocks to get to the hotel where the cocktail party was being held. That’s the kind of cold that we just don’t get in New Mexico.  It gets cold at home, but the fact that it’s a dry cold makes a huge difference.  This DC cold felt like something humans shouldn’t live in.  The cocktail party was very warm in comparison.  The heat was on, yes, but the people that we met were so warm and happy to meet us.  There were new officers, like Bob, and their families and officers who had started their training in September. We were also welcomed by seasoned FSO’s.  That warmth took us into dinner afterward with new friends and home again without the cold feeling quite so sharp.

In the first week of class Bob was presented with a list of over 90 posts around the world.  We were tasked with rating each post high, medium or low.  We had been hoping that there would be Western European posts, especially in Italy and we both want to end our experience with the Foreign Service fluent in Spanish so we were also hoping for a bunch of South American or Spanish posts. There was, in fact, one Italian post in Rome and a post in Frankfurt Germany.  That was easy, those would be ranked high.  There were several Eastern European posts.  We ranked those high as well.  Many of the posts were in Central Asia and China with a smattering in South America and Africa.  First pass we had 5 posts on our high list, ten on our medium and the rest were low.  We knew that we had to show the CDO (Career Development Officer) more about our preferences by ranking more of them high and medium. 

While Bob was in class the next day, I took on the task of researching posts that we didn’t think we would like to see if I changed my mind about any of them.  I had said that I didn’t want to go to any of the “Stans”, so I looked and Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and Tajikistan.  I was surprised to see that they were all beautiful interesting places that would be fascinating to be in.  Bob was surprised that I had decided to move those places from low to medium.  I was really starting to get excited about the possibilities but after neither of us slept that night because of anxiety about those posts we moved them back down to low.  I’ll be daring and brave in another life.

We spent most of the month of January reviewing and considering the list.  We met with Bob CDO and were advised to hope for our highs, expect our mediums and prepare for our lows.  They would take into account all of our preferences and needs but in the end the needs of the Foreign Service trump ours.  The job at each post was listed along with the language requirement and when the job started. All of this had to be taken into account.  The Rome job was scheduled to start in May and had an Italian language requirement.  That didn’t give Bob enough time to learn Italian to the level required.  There were two people in Bob’s class that spoke Italian already.  We knew that we wouldn’t be posted in Rome.  There was a really good job in Istanbul, which was turning into our top choice, but there was no language requirement and we really wanted to learn a language.  Without learning a foreign language in the first three years, Bob wouldn’t be able to get tenured.  I thought it would be really hard moving to a country without knowing the language, besides, learning a language was mainly what sold me on the idea of the Foreign Service to begin with. There was an interesting post in Montenegro but it was to start immediately and required Serbian language.  No one in the class spoke Serbian and the job was a new one so it had some flexibility on the start date so that was a possibility for us.  Layered on top of what Bob and I wanted was the fact that my daughter Alex would be going with us and wanted to attend college.  Many of these places have colleges but not all good colleges and not all english speaking.  After I told Alex that there was no way I thought we would get Rome (it was here top choice too), she said that she would like to go to Frankfurt.  Huh! I hadn’t really given Germany much thought. 

We compared preferences with Bob’s classmates.  For every post there was someone who wanted had put it in a high position.  Almost everyone ranked Rome as high because… well it’s Rome!  For every place that I thought would be kind of horrible to be in for two years, there was someone who chose it as their top choice.  The reasons varied from being really interested in being in the political hot spot to wanting the pay differential that comes with a hardship post.  We really weren’t in competition with the rest of the class so we spoke freely about our choices.  I kept trying to let go and just wait to see what happened.  We didn’t really have any control of the situation and worrying wasn’t getting us anywhere.  I can honestly say that I didn’t have a good night sleep for the month of January.

Finally the day came; Flag day.  This was the day that all of the FSO’s in Bob’s class and their families gathered and one by one the FSO’s were presented with the flag of their post country.  The presenters marched to the front of the stadium with three standards full of little flags.  After an introduction the director of the Foreign Service Institute announced the each city and country and then called the name of the FSO assigned to that post.  We were nervous for ourselves but also for our friends.  Our lives were about to change dramatically and it all hinged on the announcements made in the next twenty minutes.  The atmosphere took on a feeling of unreality for me.  “Frankfurt Germany,” said the presenter, “Robert A. Perls”.  Time was suddenly slowed down.  The statement echoed and all other sound in the auditorium went quiet.  I had to remind myself to breath.  I had to remind myself to take pictures of Bob going up to receive his flag and shake the hand of the presenter.  Germany!  I had forgotten to think about Germany!
Focus, center the picture… blink the tears away…
I didn’t even do any research about Frankfurt!
Click… Click… I can’t see the image on the camera… thank goodness there’s an official photographer.  Germany!  I was truly overwhelmed by emotion. I looked across the aisle at Bob when he sat down and the sounds around me returned. I had missed a couple of post announcements.  Bob mouthed the words, “Are you OK with this?”  Yes!  I was OK.  I was more than OK.  This was really great!  Oh my God!  We’re going to live in Germany!!!

There were parties afterward and there was a very perceptible relaxation of among Bob’s classmates. Out of 81 students there were only about five students who were really disappointed in their post.  We were amazed that the team of CDO’s who did the post assignments was able to make that many of us happy.  That doesn’t diminish the disappointment of those five people.  I had imagined being in that position many times over the past month and I really felt for them.  We went home after the revelry and slept well for the first time in over a month.

Our New Home (For Now)

Ann and Jim and Laurie threw a going away new years celebration party for us. We gathered with some of our dearest friends, reminisced and said good byes.  I had such a lump in my throat as we were about to leave the party that I could barely speak.  In my fantasy I would have given a little speech about how much they all mean to me and how I hope that they will all come to visit us in D.C. and in our post abroad, but the lump and my quivering chin prevented it.  I will miss my friends so much.

We arrived in Washington DC late on a Saturday.  The lobby of the high-rise apartment building seemed clean but very 70’s style.  It was difficult to tell if it was if it was retro or just old. We were given keys and shown to our new home on the 13^th floor.  (I didn't think any buildings had a 13th floor. Whatever happened to superstition?) The first impression, dings in the drywall, dirty carpet and terrible lighting, vertical blinds (Ugh), didn’t do much to ease my anxiety about the place.  I kept my mouth shut but worried that all of the Foreign Service housing would be shabby and second rate.  Later Bob told me that he was thinking "Oh no, what have I gotten us into?" We were tired and both knew that everything would seem better and easier to deal with in the light of day. I tried not to think about the fact that I had left a house that I adore to live for a while in a marginal apartment building.

We have always slept in a queen size bed and the king in the apartment seemed like an acre of soft comfy sleeping surface.  I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep the first night and when I did finally doze off I was frequently awakened by traffic noise punctuated by my anxiety about leaving home, being so far from my kids, leaving behind my Mom and Dad who had been my room mates or neighbors my whole life.  There were also the dogs to think and worry about.  I had left them in the capable hands of Peter who seemed like a loving guy, but would he love them and play with them like a did?  Would they miss me?  Would it bother me more if they didn’t?  At one point in the night I rolled over to cuddle up to Bob for some comfort and he wasn’t there.  I didn’t remember him getting up… Where the heck was he? When I sat up a little alarmed and saw that he was on the other half acre of the bed hidden by lofty comforters and pillows sound asleep.  Well there was my constant. He is always there, always reliable and loving and we are on this adventure together. We had both dreamed of living abroad and Bob had figured out a way to do just that. We were both excited about the unknown, guessing that where ever we end up might be really rough, but we would have each other and together we would find what was wonderful about where ever we end up.  I crawled over to the other side of the bed, curled up with Bob and finally fell into a sound sleep until morning.

The light of day revealed the Jefferson Davis Freeway at the foot of our building.  (So that’s where the traffic noise was coming from.) Across the freeway were some high-rise buildings and between two of them was a big gap through which we could see the Potomac.  If you looked north up the freeway you could see the Washington Monument perfectly framed by more buildings that make up Crystal City.  These were the views in my fantasies about living in the DC area.  We realized that our apartment hadn’t really been turned over well after the last tenants and was in need of some attention from the maintenance department.  One phone call took care of that.  The crew came in and cleaned and painted and it made all the difference.  It didn’t take care of the freeway noise though.  The building manager called one day in the first week and said that another two bedroom had become available on the other side of the building one floor up and would be happy to show it to me.  It was quieter and it was fun to see another floor plan.  I was really worried that the freeway noise was going to be a real problem for me in our original apartment.  In Corrales we had been living at the end of a little rural street next to the river.  The only traffic noise I was used to was the migratory traffic of Sand Hill Cranes and Canada geese.  After showing the apartment to Bob though, I realized that the views in our apartment were pretty spectacular and that the noise was already bothering me less that it had at first.  Our apartment was a corner apartment and was much bigger than the other.  I hemmed and hawed for one night and called the manager the next day to tell him we would stay.  By the end of the second week the traffic had ceased to be something that I even thought about.  We both enjoy the extra floor space to do Thai Chi or yoga. 

One morning while we were eating breakfast, a pair of large raptors (species unknown, sorry Dad, I didn’t have my bird book) went soaring past the window with a couple of crows dogging their tails.  They circled around for several turns before they circled out of sight above our building.  Well, it’s not the winter home of the cranes or geese but there is wild life in this place and I now feel that it is the new, if not permanent home of Bob and Joan.

How did we get here?

My house isn’t luxurious but it’s cozy and quaint.  It sits in the heart of Corrales, New Mexico on ½ an acre and I have planted a couple of flower beds and finally covered the weedy front yard with grass. The dogs have room to romp and one side of the property that is unplanted and OK for them to dig in. The property abuts the irrigation canal that runs along next to the river.  In thirty seconds I can be on the ditch bank walking the dogs and in five minutes I can be sitting on the banks of the Rio Grande watching the water and ample wildlife.  


One afternoon last fall when I was in my garden making it beautiful while my dogs lounged around me in the sun enjoying that I was out in the garden, I suddenly thought, “How did I get talked into leaving?  I love my house and garden.  I love my dogs and I love being in the same neighborhood with my parents and brothers and sister.  My life is good here.” and I burst into tears.  Later Bob said, “But I thought you wanted to live abroad!”  “I do,” I said, “but I’m really struggling with leaving.  I’m worried that my kids still need their Mom even though they've moved out of town.  I want to spend time with my Mom and Dad while they are still young and active. I don't want to miss anything!"  So we struck a deal.  If Bob got in, I would go with him to where ever the State Department decided to send us as long as I could get home easily to visit my family and as long as we kept the house and dogs. 

In 2007 Bob had sold his business of 25 or so years and in the fall of 2008 he found himself foot loose and fancy free.  I had been working in Real Estate only a short while when the market went south and had "retired" from real estate several months earlier.  I was managing our rental properties and learning to paint.  Bob set out to find his next big adventure.  He was working on a couple of start up businesses, and applying for various jobs in the public sector.   In late 2008 Bob declared that he was going to take the test to get into the Foreign Service.  He explained to me that there were actually three tests and that only about 5% of those who embarked on the process got a job offer.  With so many lines in the pond, he would see where he got a bite first. Any one of the possibilities would be an adventure, some more appealing than others and the Foreign Service being at the top of his list.  I was a little amazed that he could have so many balls up in the air and not go nuts.  I was guessing that one of the business deals would go through first.  Bob is very bright, experienced and talented but with a 5% chance, I didn't think too much about the Foreign Service.  It's Bob's way to be very thoroughly prepared for anything he takes on.  He read and studied geography, diplomacy and world history like a graduate student.  I guess it wasn't a big surprise that he passed the first of three tests with flying colors, but still, his chances of making it through the whole process was remote.  I figured that one of the other endeavors would come to fruition before the whole Foreign Service thing did. 


 The next couple of months he did practice tests and studied and studied.  As the date of the second test approached I started to remember that when Bob got is sights set on something he would do what ever it took to succeed.  He took the second test and, no surprise he passed again.  OK.  This was starting to get serious.  But surely something else he was working on would get funded or become a real commitment before he had a chance to take the oral exam in the summer.  Over the next few months he studied and practiced.  He joined a forum on the Internet for people studying for the Foreign Service.  He went to study with a group up in Denver, he met with a study group when he was in DC, and he spoke to people on the phone and practiced the test with them, with me and with his parents.  None of the other business endeavors had panned out yet and, of course, he passed the oral exam.  That wasn't the last hurdle though.  He still had to go through security and medical clearance.  Bob may have set a time record for getting cleared for both and he was placed on the register, which is a list of people who are eligible to be offered a position in the Foreign Service.  We began the wait for the call to be offered a spot in an orientation class and the Foreign Service Institute.   Bob was on the Internet forum every day.  He was constantly assessing the timing, comparing his position on the list with others on the forum.  He wanted to be called for the October class but it would have been a minor miracle for it to happen that fast.  The next possibility was January but it looked like he was too far down on the list to make it into that class.  "Good!" I thought.  That would be very stressful trying to move right after Christmas.  I get stressed out with Christmas as it is.  He figured he'd get called for the March or April class at the soonest. 


One day in early October he saw on the forum that someone that was below him on the list had been invited to the January class.  He called the appropriate person at the Foreign Service to find out if perhaps he had been overlooked.  The answer was: "Didn't you get our e-mail?  We sent you an invitation on Friday." Bob covered the mouthpiece of the phone and said, "I'm getting and invitation to the January class right now!"  I was standing in the kitchen with a lump in my throat and my eyes stinging as the tears gathered.  I don't think I was exactly sad but up to that minute it had just been an idea.  This started to make it a reality.  The movers would come to our house on the 28th of December and take all our stuff.  We would leave behind the life that was normal and move into a life that was unknown.  I would have to figure out what to do with my house, my dogs, how I would live so far from my family and friends, what I would do with myself where ever we were to go. 


This was Bob's show.  He would be doing some really interesting work.  We would go wherever the Foreign Service decided to send us and I would try to figure out what there was there for me to do.  I could get a job in the Embassy or Consulate but that would limit my ability to get home easily.  I could paint; I could write (not my forte); do volunteer work or as my friend Kim suggested, do a graceful nothing.  One possibility that keeps popping up is that I could teach English as a foreign language.  I heard a rumor that the Foreign Service would teach me how to teach English.  Now, that sounded like something I would really enjoy.  We also found out that, space allowing, I could enroll in the foreign language training classes that are available to the Foreign Service Officers.  That was enough to make the whole endeavor worthwhile for me.  So I set my sights on the schooling I could get out of the experience and buckled down to prepare for the move.  I made plans to have a wonderful young man named Peter come live at the house after we left and care for the dogs, the house and the gardens. We would keep one room in the house for ourselves so that we would have a bed to sleep in when we came home to visit.